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  • Writer's pictureAlicia Dione

The Audacity

Updated: Mar 16, 2022


At 05:45 the sky was a dressed in a colour I had never seen it wear before. This deep midnight blue was out of place in the dawn sky, but stunning all the same. The mountain line was complemented by this colour and they stood peaceful and strong as the sun crept closer up the horizon. I haven’t seen a sunrise in NZ yet, the room is facing the wrong way. The only thing I can do is watch in ore as the sky dances through the colours, moving from dawn to day. This morning I feel good, I am well rested and positively gleeful to have woken on an early bird schedule. 06:30 rolled around and I decided to call the front desk. I already have an outdoor slot blocked for 2pm, the idea of a morning stroll to stretch and move is very appealing.

A kiwi man answered the phone (not an accent as common as you might think in this hotel), and riding the calm and tropical waves of his welcoming voice, he said there was space in the 6am slot and so I could head down now if I wanted to. Score! I have to say, there is a smugness to rising early, a sense of accomplishment. Out of bed, splash water on face, a spritz of bouncy jelly mist: a skin care product for the lazy, but amazing all the same. And a sports bra that actually dried thanks to my new tripod-air-purifier-clothes-line… making it work! Now out the door and into the fresh air!


Argument #2. Duration: 4 minutes. Cooling off time: 20 minutes.

What is it with men and their inability to pronounce words in the middle of a sentence? It’s like the space between words is purely a suggestion and vowels are a foreign concept. I think all men suffer this from time to time and the deeper their voice, the more sever the case of ‘the mumbles’ can be. Myself and Ben are also quick talkers. My mum has often told me that sometimes witnessing a conversation between us is like witnessing a different language that only we know. When you spend enough time with someone I think your ears just adjust and you are so zoned in on their frequency that you can banter with playful repartee at the speed of light. Often with jokes that only you two find funny.

Today, a mumbling situation led to an overreaction from me due to it playing into one of my pet peeves. Mumbling alone isn’t an issue but after two repeats Ben decided it wasn’t worth it and stopped mid story. That is my pet peeve and as a child it would drive me insane. It would light an anger in me that I was not familiar with and cause an unquenchable thirst for the end of the story, no matter how boring or mundane. As an adult, I have learnt that when people tell you they aren’t repeating a joke you weren’t present for, you have to be ok with that and just accept that you made it to the group of laughing people a few seconds too late. Otherwise you can come off a liiiiiittle psycho. However, if you are speaking to me and you have committed to a story or joke… you will finish that story.

Ben, acknowledging my bottles rage said he would give me the room and went to have a bath. A lovely move from his end, even thought I still don’t know the end of that god damn story. A cup of tea and a yoghurt later and I was calm enough to go in an explain the reason for what appeared to be a disproportionate reaction to his actions. Ben now knows, if you start a story with me, you have to finish it. Amazing the things you still learn about each other after a 4+ year relationship overlapping a 6 year friendship. Breakfast should be soon. I am hungry for my continental breakfast.


A ring from the phone interrupts a spout of madness and hyperactive activity I am experiencing after staring into the abyss for 10 minutes. Great news, they will let us out any time on the 30th and arrange our transport to the airport for our flight to windy welly! It seems the hotel are quite eager to throw us out as soon as physically possible, which makes complete sense but it's not what we were expecting. I guess it feels like you're being held here against your will, but it is the government (quite rightly) enforcing the quarantine, not the hotel. They require all of our details for travel including a flight number so I went about booking flights for the day in question. After filling out all the paperwork, I reached the pay screen and was then instructed to await a work call for Ben before checking out. Not a problem, but I know for a fact that I won’t be able to sit on this check out screen for five hours meaning I will have to fill it all out again. Oh well!

The Audacious Dumpy Woman

Before long and in the middle of a video call with my mum, we were called up for more covid tests. Poor Ben, he had his swab taken and the lady accidentally dropped it on the floor and had to re-test him! The nurse was very lovely and apologetic and in the grand scheme of things, no harm done. Returning to my room for another attempt at a call with mum and I found out some weird news... but you'll need some back story. We had this neighbour that moved in a few years ago (and moved out a few weeks ago). She was only there a few years but I have never met someone so grumpy, unhappy and rude. For example; one Saturday night I played the piano for five minutes at 9pm and this woman lost, her, mind. My brief piano tune was cut short by aggressive banging on the door and a short, dumpy and aggressively upset woman. To be clear, we live in a beautiful area with a neighbourhood full of lovely people. The average age of our little town is probably mid 60's and its the kind of place you settle to raise a family or retire. Neighbours are friendly and helpful in a crisis without being too involved or nosey about your affairs.

The conversation with the dumpy woman drew to a close when she called my mother a cow and lost her god damn mind on our driveway. After sending my mum and Ben back inside, I calmly reminder her that we had lived on this road a very long time and that this was not behaviour that was practiced in out little cul-de-sac. I also pointed out that she had awoken me many a time with her very loud (and bad) music. Absolutely adamant that this couldn’t be true I named all of her top played songs from the last month and watched as her face fall as she realised; I was right. She was not gracious about this realisation but then again, grace probably isn't something that comes easily to this woman. I’m a strong believer of killing people with kindness and not lowering yourself to their level. The pure audacity of this woman to roam this planet was impressive.

A few months went by and summer rolled around. Mum was cutting back the lavender bush and decided to make beautiful lavender bunches and tied them off with ribbon. (FYI- we don’t often act like characters out of Jane Austin novels). I was feeling particularly nice that day and thought it would be a lovely thing to pass around to some of the neighbours, no use in perfectly good lavender sitting in a bag for the tip. Loading my arms up with lavender bunches, I made my way around the houses and decided that enough time had passed after this woman’s awful behaviour and that I would not only be the person in the right, but the person willing to extend an olive branch. (Her accepting this branch would be a step in the direction of ‘The Isle of Not Being A Huge Bitch’ by the way). I took her some lavender and that was my last interaction with the woman until the present day. When I gave her the lavender, it was like she was accepting a parcel that she had not only ordered but paid for. No eye contact, I think she said thank you but barley, and the door was closed. I honestly feel sorry for her.

You can't look too closely at the people you hate, you just
end up feeling sorry for them and their shitty lives.

Anyway, now that you have the back back story and an idea of the chronically unhappy case we were dealing with... todays news. Saturday just gone, this woman sent my mum a photo of a cat litter tray full of cat poop. Well… sort of. She sent her a photo of a birthday cake that was depicting a cat litter tray full of poop. Caption: “just a birthday cake idea for cat lovers :P”.


My mum is allergic to cats and therefore isn't their biggest fan, a fair opinion if you ask me. I love cats, but they don't make it harder for me to breathe. Sometimes the cats would come through a window of my mums house and when we calmly alerted her to my mums allergy, it was met with hostility and a disregard for any health concerns or wellbeing. (Not that we expected her to train the cats, we just wanted her to be aware). Now, over a year later and after moving out… she sends this. Is it a joke? A way to find funny humour in it and almost make peace? Or is it a probing tool to try and insight anxiety or anger in my mum? When mum told me about the cat litter message, it didn’t seem to bother her one bit. In fact, I think the pettiness of this woman amuses her somewhat. I on the other hand wanted to know more, it made me curious. What was her goal? I shouldn’t, I know, but all work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy… this is what I wrote:

“Hi there, hope you’re well. Can I ask why you’re sending photos of cat litter cakes to my mum?”.

I couldn’t help myself 😇.

I'm now blocked, fucking result!

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